welcome to the dream
it seems like forever that ive been wandering the trails of internal luminosity, looking for a pattern, a key to ever unfolding rhythms of delight and disenchantment. many are the keys i have held in my eager fingers, many the doors they have opened, as i followed this scent and then that, further out and further in, always innocent of the compulsion to security. looking constantly for the hand that i could feel gently in my back, steering my aimlessness through the reefs of the world. a glimpse here, a sighting there. and now i see its fingerprints on everything. without exception.
i always longed for silence, yet could not hold my tongue. i hankered after stillness but was kept in endless motion. i dreamed of being a poet, a renegade, living outside the boundaries of convention, but without being feared or reviled. twas not to be. i have been reviled and i have been revered, i have been found perfect and i have been found wanting, but at the last i have found without any doubt at all, that i, and in this i am not alone, am to be found nowhere, certainly not in those momentary sparkles of light, swirls of shadow where you, also, have sought to define me.
nothing but chimera, mirages all. and for this i give thanks, to the people and the places that brought light into my shadows, and the places and the people who brought shadows to drive me into the light. i take nothing back, it is all and none of it, mine. for sure, i have my preferences, my favouritisms, but i know that i can afford such luxuries, for i am not the maker of my road, nor creator of the territory in which i roam, running still only for the delight and uncertainty of the moment. take these feathers from my plumage and weave them if you will into the currents of your flight.
i dedicate the indecipherable poem of my life
to all upon whose unwitting actions it has depended, most pertinently
my mother, barabara, for giving me a love that knew no limit and an innate fascination with the unseeable
my father, humphrey, for giving me the space and support to take any direction i chose and an innate hunger for truth
my brother, robert, for protecting me when i crossed lines i could not see
timothy leary for inspiring me to look inside
my uncle, tim, for giving me the lens of yoga
ellen for teaching me how to recognise my own truth
bob dylan for asking me to look again
john lennon for teaching me the power of vulnerability
leonard cohen for teaching me the redemption in suffering
jodi for teaching me that love needs no formal expression
the isle of iona for taking me to the feet of god
grianan for giving me shelter wherein i found my wings
le prison civile de marrakesh for giving me the keys to inner freedom: stillness and silence
la principessa paolini for teaching me the meaning of respect
mike burns for showing me how i could give of the bounty i had been given
steve and jane for fertilising my faith in love, in life, in giving
jacqueline for giving me so much so easily, and asking so little
patrick for teaching me that the understanding that flows from love needs no language
william spear for teaching me the power of integrity
mike abrahams for teaching me the true meaning of generosity
rez ghari for teaching me the value of loyalty
blue for teaching me the price of trust
soten genpo roshi for giving me back my self
louise white for giving me space to find my way back into the world
clive sheridan for giving me conviction where i faltered
india for giving me my roots
ibiza for giving me back my wild side
my son, arum, for being such a good friend
anita for giving me the most precious gift of my life
bindu for giving me a love beyond measure, and understanding beyond price
kali for giving me back to god, and giving me the most powerful key of all
alexa for re-opening my heart
mads for teaching me that true friendship is beyond circumstance
juan for showing me what it means to live without a veil
olivia for giving me back to love, life and laughter
peter yates for bringing unexpected comfort and delight
joe, malcolm, peter, jodi and jane for teaching me that true friendship can last a lifetime
many thanks be to them all