it seems like forever that ive been wandering the trails of internal luminosity, looking for a pattern, a key to ever unfolding rhythms of delight and disenchantment. many are the keys i have held in my eager fingers, many the doors they have opened, as i followed this scent and then that, further out and further in, always innocent of the compulsion to security. looking constantly for the hand that i could feel gently in my back, steering my aimlessness through the reefs of the world. a glimpse here, a sighting there. and now i see its fingerprints on everything. without exception.

i always longed for silence, yet could not hold my tongue. i hankered after stillness but was kept in endless motion. i dreamed of being a poet, a renegade, living outside the boundaries of convention, but without being feared or reviled. twas not to be. i have been reviled and i have been revered, i have been found perfect and i have been found wanting, but at the last i have found without any doubt at all, that i, and in this i am not alone, am to be found nowhere, certainly not in those momentary sparkles of light, swirls of shadow where you, also, have sought to define me.

nothing but chimera, mirages all. and for this i give thanks, to the people and the places that brought light into my shadows, and the places and the people who brought shadows to drive me into the light. i take nothing back, it is all and none of it, mine. for sure, i have my preferences, my favouritisms, but i know that i can afford such luxuries, for i am not the maker of my road, nor creator of the territory in which i roam, running still only for the delight and uncertainty of the moment. take these feathers from my plumage and weave them if you will into the currents of your flight.

i dedicate the indecipherable poem of my life
to all upon whose unwitting actions it has depended, most pertinently

my mother, barabara, gave me a love that knew no limit and an innate fascination with the unseeable

my father, humphrey, gave me the space and support to take any direction i chose and an innate hunger for truth

my brother, robert, protected me when i crossed lines i could not see

timothy leary inspired me to look inside

my uncle, tim, gave me the lense of yoga

ellen taught me how to recognise my own truth

bob dylan asked me to look again

john lennon taught me the power of vulnerability

leonard cohen taught me the redemption in suffering

jodi taught me that love needs no formal expression

iona took me to the feet of god

grianan gave me shelter wherein i found my wings

le prison civile de marrakesh gave me the keys to inner freedom: stillness and silence

la principessa paolini taught me the meaning of respect

mike burns showed me how i could give of the bounty i had been given

steve and jane fertilised my faith in love, in life, in giving

patrick taught me that the understanding that flows from love needs no language

william spear taught me the power of integrity

mike abrahams taught me the true meaning of generosity

rez ghari taught me the value of loyalty

blue taught me the price of trust

soten genpo roshi gave me back my self

louise white gave me space to find my way back into the world

clive sheridan gave me conviction where i faltered

india gave me my roots

ibiza gave me back my wild side

anita gave me the most precious gift of my life

bindu gave me a love beyond measure, beyond price

kali gave me back to god

alexa reopened my heart

olivia gave me back to love, life and laughter

peter yates brought unexpected comfort and delight

many thanks be to them all