Confusion about the significance of attachment is common. It leads to unnecessary denial, dishonesty and suffering. The pain/pleasure response is the fundamental dynamic of organic survival. Your body can never escape it, except in death. This dynamic creates like and dislike, based on pain and pleasure, in the mind. This creates attachment and aversion. Accordingly, like and dislike, attachment and aversion are the dynamic of life’s unfolding within the mind. Just as pain and pleasure are the dynamic of life’s unfolding through the body. They cannot be avoided, but can well be denied. However the mind also creates other attachments and aversions which are not based on this necessary and vital survival dynamic. They are based only on the minds learned beliefs: such as “I need a man in order to be happy”. This is a learned, and unproven, belief, that, of course, becomes self fulfilling. This creates attachments to men, both real and imagined, that cause unnecessary suffering. Freedom from such suffering requires that the underlying beliefs be challenged and let go of.

This is where letting go comes in relative to attachment. There is no need on principle to let go of any external aspect of your life. If your inaccurate beliefs still function they will just provide you with new problems. The need is only to let go of the false beliefs that generate so much of your psychological experience. The very root belief that, if it is truly let go of, releases all contingent beliefs, is the belief in the reality of the self: this is what Buddhism is all about. However the problem with dealing with that belief is that it requires a very powerful pragmatic and ideological context within which to become effective: this is known in Buddhism as the three jewels, or the triple refuge. This is what monks get involved in and requires a lot of meditation. For those who have neither the commitment nor time for that, there is another way, which in fact turns out to be easier anyway. This way is to examine the true nature of action. This is what yoga is actually for and about, and is implicit in the defining term ishvarapranidanah, upon which effective yoga practice rests.

As well as including physical action, this investigation must also include mental action: perception. The latter of course is meditation, if that is understood to mean developing intimacy with the mechanism of mind. Rather than attempting to control or influence its content. In the course of this investigation subtle states of perception and consciousness will emerge and become familiar. This is a necessary support to the investigation of more external physical action. For the investigation of physical action is more intellectual, of mental action is more experiential. Understanding without experience is empty. Experience without understanding is unripe. By conducting this investigation into the nature of action simultaneoulsy internally and externally it bears remarkable fruit.

The external enquiry is not based on the form of actions, meaning what they are as opposed to other actions. It is based on their mechanism or dynamic, or how actions come about. This is what karma refers to. The dynamic of cause and effect within which all actions participate. This is sometimes referred to as dependent origination, or conditioned co-production. Within this dynamic all actions have and are both causes and effects. When the structure of this dynamic is openly (without prejudice) and honestly (without self-deception) examined it is found that any action contributes to a huge web of future but mostly unpredictale consequences, and is based upon a huge web of past causation, much of which can be clarified. So it is to the past that the enquiry must be directed.

Such an open and honest enquiry is bound to reveal that any action at all has been caused not by a linear arrangement of prior actions, but a much more complex one, and that this arrangement is in effect a multidimensional web that can be traced back and out in all directions endlessly. All you need do is to take any action from your past and ruthlessly and relentlessly examine its web of causation. Not so that you can accumulate information, but so that you can see how every action is totally conditioned by a web of prior actions. And that that web of prior actions becomes less and less specific to different actions the deeper you go into the past. Simply because the present rests in inverse logarithmic relationship to the past. One action producing many consequences, each one of those producing many more. In exactly the way that every action you have ever taken rests upon the germination of a specific egg by a specific sperm as a result of specific action taken by your parents.

The difference between the causation of one action and another is a function of proximity to the action itself. The further away you go the more in common each action’s causation has with all other actions’ causation. In the same way the originating and functioning context of any object can only be described by describing the entire universe, and therefore in order to understand or explain accurately any object the entire universe must be explained and understood (which is of course impossible). But the equivalent significance of actions and their context is more easy to clarify, as it is not content but dynamic that is significant to that enquiry. Eventually it becomes indisputably clear that all actions are the result of all prior actions in a single dynamic web of causation that links all actions (and objects) together. So both the investigation of the exact nature of any object, and that of the exact cause of any action lead to the same indivisible wholeness.

While investigation of any object leads to the conclusion that no object can be defined except as the whole universe being viewed from one necessarily limited perspective (that of the object in question), that of actions leads to a similar conclusion. Which is simply that the cause of any action cannot be attributed to any actions or objects other than the whole web of actions and objects that is the whole universe past and present. This means quite simply that all actions are conditioned totally and irrevocably by all other actions. That no action can happen without a distinct set of prior actions, each one depending on exactly that same criteria of origination or production. When the conditioned nature of all actions has been deeply recognised one thing becomes inescapably apparent. That whatever happened did happen, and whatever did not happen did not happen. What did not happen, what might have happened, what could have happened, what should have happened are not only pure speculation but, more pertinently, did not actually happen.

Time present and time past
Are both perhaps present in time future,
And time future contained in time past.
If time is eternally present
All time is unredeemable.
What might have been is an abstraction
Remaining a perpetual possibility
Only in a world of peculation.
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.
T.S.Eliot: opening of Burnt Norton, first of the Four Quartets.

However much it may involve speculation life itself is not speculation. Life is what actually happens. What actually happens is conditioned by a dynamic multidimensional web of equally conditioned actions that extends out and back in every direction. This means that what actually happens is always conditioned by what had actually happened beforehand. Deep examination of this process leads to an inescapable insight. That any action that actually did happen is neither a possibility nor a probability but an actuality. It is not conjectural, not speculative: it is a fact. All the prior conditioning factors that led to that action led to that action and no other. Anything else is pure speculation and did not in fact happen. Therefore you cannot extract any action from this web and say that it did not happen, that it should not have happened, that it could not have happened, that it might not have happened. For the should, could or might not to actually be true some other actions would also have to be extracted, to have not happened. But they did. The inescapable conclusion is that all actions are inextricable from their web or matrix of causation. This has to be so, for if any condition whatsoever, however subtle, prior to it hade been absent, the action in question would inevitably have been somewhat different, and therefore not that action.

Once the inextricability of any action from the matrix has been recognised, recognition of the inextricability of any and all actions from the matrix must soon follow. As this understanding deepens the inner significance of inextricability becomes evident. That every single event that happens, every single action that takes place had to take place, had to happen. This also means that the matrix cannot be broken, cannot be modified, is inherently indivisible. To suggest otherwise is to be in denial of the hard and undeniable fact that they all did happen. That they all did happen is the inconvertible proof that they had to happen. Anything else is mere speculation, which has its place only in regard to the unknow, not the known. The inner significance of inextricability reveals itself as the inevitability of all actions. That it did happen turns out to mean that it, and it alone, had to happen.

Once the inevitability of any action within the matrix has been recognised, recognition of the inevitability of any and all actions within the matrix must soon follow. As this understanding deepens the inner significance of inevitability becomes evident. That every single event that happens, every single action that takes place had to take place just like that. It could not have happened in any other way: it could not have been done better or done worse, no matter what evaluative criteria are used. To suggest otherwise is to be in denial of the now undeniable fact that it did happen. That it did happen is the inescapable proof that it had to happen in exactly the way that it did happen and could not in any way have been done better or worse. Anything else is mere speculation. The inner significance of inevitability reveals itself as the imperfectability of all actions. That it had to happen turns out to mean that it was absolutely perfect.

Once the inevitable imperfectability of any action within the matrix has been recognised, recognition of the inevitable imperfectability of any and all actions within the matrix must soon follow. As this understanding deepens the immaculate indivisibility of the matrix itself becomes evident. Within this awareness of perfection it become clear that every single event that happens, every single action that takes place takes place because of the indivisible matrix itself. It does not happen as a result of any conceptually or perceptibly extracted aspect of the matrix. It is not the result of a limited chain of causation that has been conceptually extracted from the wholeness of the matrix. The matrix itself is the only actual cause of each and every aspect of the matrix. Every action that occurs occurs as a result of every other action that has ever occurred. To suggest otherwise is to be in denial of the now undeniable fact that they, and they alone, did all happen. That any action is inextractable, inevitable and imperfectible is the inconvertible proof that all actions are inextractable, inevitable and imperfectible. That all actions are inextractable, inevitable and imperfectible is the inconvertible proof that there is no specific local cause of any action. The cause of each and every action is the totality of all actions.

Once it has been deeply understood that causation is an indivisible, inextricable, inevitable and imperfectible matrix involving all actions and all objects the notions of free will, autonomy, personal volition, and the separate self can no longer be upheld. This does not mean that they need be replaced with substitute notions such as destiny, determination, divine will, or no self. It simply means that these deep and pernicious beliefs dissolve and with them their implications. In particular that anything that you or anyone else ever did, felt or thought could have been done otherwise. It quite clearly could not. Within that understanding all judgement fades away. And with it all blame, all guilt, all shame, all resentment, all regret.

But this does not mean that all preferences and attachments fade away. Your likes and dislikes are programmed into you on the basis of past experience. They will remain yours until other experiences modify them to the extent that they become different ones. Insights into the inextricable, inevitable and imperfectable nature of all actions, and the indivisible, inevitable and immaculate nature of the matrix as a whole can be very powerful experiences in changing your beliefs as well as your likes and dislikes. Likewise so can experiences of the impersonal nature of all perceptions, and experiences of objectlessness and subjectlessnes that occur during meditation.

However life unfolds you will never escape like and dislike, so you can never escape attachment. But as the inextricable, inevitable and imperfectable nature of all actions, and the indivisible, inevitable and immaculate nature of the matrix as a whole becomes more and more apparent you will struggle less and less with any discrepancies between what actually happens and your preferences. In doing so you will become more and more relaxed, and more and more able to appreciate life just as it comes, even when it is not so enjoyable for you. Your understanding of the inextricable, inevitable and imperfectable nature of all actions, and the indivisible, inevitable and immaculate nature of the matrix as a whole will provide you with a perceptual and experiential spaciousness that will allow all events and actions to take place lightly without you taking them so seriously, so personally. Your life will become the movie it is: with you as both the star and the audience enjoying the juiciness of its tragedies as much as you do the comedy of its farces.

This is because slowly but surely it will dawn on you that no matter how much and how often it does feel otherwise, the inextricable, inevitable and imperfectable nature of all actions, and the indivisible, inevitable and immaculate nature of the matrix as a whole means that all actions, all feelings. all thoughts belong only and always to the matrix as a whole no matter where they are located. This means they are not yours. That all actions, feelings, thoughts, and object, events and situations are the impersonal and inevitable, local and transient expression of the matrix as a whole. Which can be called god, for the sake of simplicity. Although it in no way implies a personal entity however defined.

As all this begins to become apparent, and more and more often the inextricable, inevitable, imperfectable and impersonal nature of all actions, feelings and thoughts is self evident still there will be times that you forget and the remnant power of inaccurate beliefs about the nature of action, volition and the self assert themselves. Then of course you fall back into blame, guilt, shame, resentment and regret about the past or doubt, anxiety and fear about the future. When this happens just remind yourself that IT IS ALWAYS AND ONLY GOD that is doing, feeling and experiencing every action, feeling and thought. For god is the significance of the inextricable, inevitable, imperfectable and impersonal nature of the matrix as a whole. Then god will ‘take’ the load from your tired shoulders and you will relax.

What all this means is that we are not in control of our lives. We are all inevitable and irrevocable elements of an endlessly interlocking and interacting whole which is in itself absolutely perfect. No matter how little it accords with our small-minded and self-denigrating notions of perfection. Nor now little our place in this whole accords with our preferences. But our preferences, likes and dislikes, attachments and aversions, participate in this perfection perfectly. No matter what they are nor what they bring. In fact it is only through the agency of preference, through like and dislike, that we are able to contribute our unique colour to the overall harmonic of the matrix.

Of course that we are not in control of our lives does not mean we have no choices or decisions to make. Simply that they also arise as inextricable, inevitable, imperfectable and impersonal aspects or expressions of the total matrix. It simply means that we can relax and know that, through the inherent dynamic of change which is driven by our likes and dislikes, which are of course also always changing, our life is unfolding as a perfect expression of the whole: and any choices or decisions that have to be made will be made and any consequences they incur will be unavoidable. So whenever we need to choose, to make a decision, we need only relax and listen as deeply, honestly, openly and generously as we can to the song that our life is singing and act according to that, knowing that whatever we do do, feel or think can only be perfect as far as the whole is concerned.

In the end we can only accept or resist the thrust of the matrix. But only as an inevitable expression of that thrust. Knowing that it unfolds as it does and will, and that our thoughts feelings and actions are inexorably necessary to that unfolding can help us to accept. Assuming that we can make the wrong decision will inspire us to resist. Within such an understanding the future becomes free from our fears and resistance to change. At the same time the need, but not the desire, to satisfy our preferences becomes less and less. Then the inherent delight in being conscious reveals itself more and more, quite independent of the ever changing flux of external circumstance and inner experience. Over which we have of course no actual control: though our choices and decisions participate necessarily in their unfolding.

The notion that all of our actions are conditioned tends to elicit a strong resistance in the mind. This resistance is coming from our prior beliefs. In particular the notion of free will which is so deeply cherished by us all, and without which we assume ourselves to be no better than automata. Which of course disturbs our selfimage. However: deep, honest and open enquiry reveals that we are always and endlessly subject to an inescapable web of conditions that determines our actions. At the root of these conditions is our dna, which we all know is fixed. Just as that of all our ancestors, human and otherwise was. Dna provides us with a huge range of physical, chemical, biological, psychological and behavioural reactions and responses to a huge range of physical, chemical, biological, psychological and social stimuli. These responses are all programmed or conditioned by our dna. Our overall behaviour is also conditioned into its unique pattern by the impact of our historic experiences in response to our environment. This appears to give us a little latitude, but this is only an appearance. All environmental factors, including our proximity to them by way of birth, turn out upon examination to have also been conditioned by existing genetic factors applying to all the biological organisms participating, present or past, in our environment.

However this does not make us automtata. Because what we actually are, and what we deeply know ourselves to be, is not that structure of constantly changing conditioned factors that constitutes our physical and mental capacity and history. That is simply what we are apparently and momentarily being. What we are is that which is aware of them, that within which they arise. That which has been present throughout all change from birth and will be unto death. That presence which we most deeply mean when we use the word I, especially to ourselves. Even though all the perceptible characteristics of the one who dies will be totally different from those of the one who was born, that presence, that I remains the same. It is that which we know ourselves to be. This presence is consciousness. That by which we perceive, think, choose, decide and thereby act. That without which could be no action, no decision, no choice, no thinking, no thought, no perception, no perceiver, no thinker, no chooser, no decider, no doer, no life.

Consciousness is what we truly deeply are. That which reveals all perceptible characteristics and experiences. Which because it does so only through limited perceiving instruments, in our case the human organism, is subject to a limited content. The consistent nature of this limited content creates an identification of that content with the perceiving instrument. As if the instrument were the cause of its content. Whereas in fact the human bodimind is nothing other than an actionperception-potential. Each one of which is configured in a unique way, as a result of its originating context within the matrix: its locality in space and time. We are not the cause of our actions and perceptions, merely their instrument, their agent. At the same time as actions are being identified with their instruments, the instrument is also identified with its filtering of consciousness. As if the instrument were the source of that consciousness. Whereas in fact the human bodimind is nothing other than a vehicle of consciousness. Each one of which is configured in a unique way, as a result of its originating context within the matrix: its locality in space and time. We are not the cause of our consciousness, merely its instrument, its agent.

The problem within all of this rests not in any particular thought, feeling, action or experience, all of which are necessarily conditioned by the whole. The problem is identification. Superficially and overtly this is identification with actions: the claiming of actions by the instrument. As if the instrument owned the conditioned actions for which it is the conditioned agent. Within this there is also the deeper, covert identification of consciousness or awareness with its instrument. Or the claiming of consciousness by the instrument. As if the instrument owned the consciousness by which it becomes aware of all conditioned perceptions and actions. However it is the other way round. All actions and instruments are simply appearances in consciousness. Without which nothing would or could be thought, felt, perceived, known or experienced. Consciousness is all there is, and consciousness is what we are.

It is for the deep and unequivocal realisation of this that meditation serves. The internal enquiry, which must support the external enquiry, is directed towards the nature of mental activity. It is and must be based on honest, open observation of the inherent mechanism of the mind. The investigation is not based on content but dynamic. It is not a question of accumulating information about yourself. It is about finding out how feelings, thoughts, sensations, perceptions actually arise. Within which we see that perceptions are arising and passing, flowing and pausing in expression of a matrix of forces and factors that we call the mind. And that this mental matrix is totally conditioned, and not in fact in our control. Despite the fact that sometimes it seems that way.

But eventually it is seen that mind is simply the local expression of the impersonal, imperfectable, inevitable and indivisible matrix within the body. While actions are simply the local expression of the impersonal, imperfectable, inevitable and indivisible matrix through or outside the body. That what we call mind is not an entity or object. It is simply the localisation of consciousness in a perceiving instrument. Within that we see that the contents of consciousness are not ‘my’ thoughts, ‘my’ feelings, ‘my’ perceptions. They come and go without so much as a by-your-leave, and in fact belong to the matrix as a whole, or its secret face, which is consciousness. Familiarity with deep meditative states clarifies the fact that this consciousness is the inherently impersonal and unconditioned source and arena of all conditioned and impersonal phenomena: whether objects, actions or perceptions.

And THOU ARE THAT. Always and forever unobstructed and unhindered by the conditions of the matrix within which ‘you’ are a local identification. Until perhaps conditions coalesce in the deep and irrevocable realisation of the impersonal, imperfectable, inevitable, inextricable, impermanent and insubstantial nature of all phenomena. And therewithin the deep and irrevocable realisation of the impersonal, immaculate and indivisible nature of that consciousness which is what you actually are and within which all change arises. These realisations allow you to walk through the world lightly on both of your feet. The one wherein ‘your’ body and mind are totally and inescapably conditioned. And the one whereby 'you' are the indwelling consciousness unconditioned, unbeginning, unchanging, unending. Left and right foot working in harmony, with no need for any philosophical conceptualisations about freewill or destiny, duality or nonduality, spiritual or material, real or illusory, right or wrong. Allowing you to dance effortlessly and freely through the matrix without guilt, blame, resentment, shame, anxiety, doubt, manipulation or pride. Home-free and happy at last regardless of circumstance and convention.

letter to clare, canam ibiza 2004